Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
The Touchstone
"Out on the Edge of Darkness, There Rides the Peace Train..." - Yusuf Islam
I feel as if I'm on the edge, moving from one realm to the next, from the 4th dimension to the 5th; metaphorically speaking of course.
The last few weeks have been difficult and I've been through the cycles of emotions. Having recently moved here- to Seattle- I am going through much growth. Many facets of my life are changing. First, while I'm here in Seattle all the people who I call my closest friends are back in Boise living their lives. I am in a relationship and in Love - With my best friend in the world; who also lives in Boise. This is much different from the norm. For myself I am usually single and "self reliant" - hardly have I been in a serious relationship. So, to be in this situation is all new to me, more wonderful than I could have imagined.
With the life I associated with while living in Boise, I am now in the position of merging with the new life in this rainy city. This overall has been quite difficult. I have met a host of great people but I have yet to feel truly settled. Previous to moving I became so used to, which I largely I took for granted, stimulating spiritual and intellectual conversation. That type of conversation so far has been absent here, though coming close, it's still lacking. I am certainly not attempting here to say that this is necessarily a bad thing, but that it's different, that I am still settling into the new situations and relationships which I have found myself.
With all of the changes in my life I have been granted much time to myself. Much of this time is spent in contemplation. I recently have found myself doing a lot of questioning;
Who am I? What am I? Why am I? What is is that I really have to offer? Am I useful? Am I loving? What does it mean to be useful and loving? What do I really know? and what do I think I know? Etc.
I have not been asking myself these questions in a depressive or cynical manner but as a means of review, maybe to find deeper meaning in life, I'm not entirely sure. In fact my questioning seems to come from being unsure. I don't feel at this moment in time that when it comes to me, Who and What I am, that I can actually be one hundred percent sure about anything. I feel that these questions have arisen as a means to stir the pool.
I'm on the edge... the edge of darkness, and that edge is also the edge of lightness. From the dark emerges light, from the light emerges the dark. Is there really an edge after all? They no longer seem to me to be separate, but one and the same.
I feel as if I'm on the edge, moving from one realm to the next, from the 4th dimension to the 5th; metaphorically speaking of course.
The last few weeks have been difficult and I've been through the cycles of emotions. Having recently moved here- to Seattle- I am going through much growth. Many facets of my life are changing. First, while I'm here in Seattle all the people who I call my closest friends are back in Boise living their lives. I am in a relationship and in Love - With my best friend in the world; who also lives in Boise. This is much different from the norm. For myself I am usually single and "self reliant" - hardly have I been in a serious relationship. So, to be in this situation is all new to me, more wonderful than I could have imagined.
With the life I associated with while living in Boise, I am now in the position of merging with the new life in this rainy city. This overall has been quite difficult. I have met a host of great people but I have yet to feel truly settled. Previous to moving I became so used to, which I largely I took for granted, stimulating spiritual and intellectual conversation. That type of conversation so far has been absent here, though coming close, it's still lacking. I am certainly not attempting here to say that this is necessarily a bad thing, but that it's different, that I am still settling into the new situations and relationships which I have found myself.
With all of the changes in my life I have been granted much time to myself. Much of this time is spent in contemplation. I recently have found myself doing a lot of questioning;
Who am I? What am I? Why am I? What is is that I really have to offer? Am I useful? Am I loving? What does it mean to be useful and loving? What do I really know? and what do I think I know? Etc.
I have not been asking myself these questions in a depressive or cynical manner but as a means of review, maybe to find deeper meaning in life, I'm not entirely sure. In fact my questioning seems to come from being unsure. I don't feel at this moment in time that when it comes to me, Who and What I am, that I can actually be one hundred percent sure about anything. I feel that these questions have arisen as a means to stir the pool.
I'm on the edge... the edge of darkness, and that edge is also the edge of lightness. From the dark emerges light, from the light emerges the dark. Is there really an edge after all? They no longer seem to me to be separate, but one and the same.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thoughts to Words
Well, its been a while since the last time I posted an entry upon the Crazy and Awake blog. I hope all zero of my readers did not get worried, for Bryan the Adventure is alive as ever.
Busy livin I would guess is the truth of my absence. It's weird that among all the chaos thats taking place right now, I am finding time to write a bit. I stumbled upon my own blog I must admit, through a vanity search on google. Turns out that just by typing in Bryan Weeks my photo is first through some people finder site and another comes up on the first page. Anyway, this is all unimportant, but then again so is this blog. But, it's still fun to play with.
I'm movin to Seattle Tuesday. Thats right tuesday.
I must admit my writing has gone down the shitter, it was never great, but readable. I haven't written anything since the last post so this is really just me blobbing words onto the computer.
Come to think about it this is all over the place, its quite possible that this is a good indication of how hectic everything in my head is right now. Thoughts don't occur in a linear fassion anyway and this is precicely my thoughts layed out in english. I heard that our deep thoughts, not the average surface thoughts, but the thoughts that creat those aren't in any language. It is more like a mental image that brings a memory which then forms the thought. Afther some time I began to realize that its true. I don't really feel like explaining it though.
I was recently asked if I think too much or not enough and it dawned on me that the too much/ too little debate is useless. I think that the real question should be 'Do I think that I take my thoughts too seriously or not?' Because we all think, thats inescapable. I think the difference is that some people take their thoughts way too seriously though. Take anger for example. If I am angry, the anger is just an emotion. A set of thoughts that leaves me feeling a specific feeling. Being angry is not necissarily the problem. Everyone on the planet has experienced anger, and surely will experience it again. Anger is an emotion jus as Happiness is an emotion. Something that is in my head, purely thought. Now, when people take this set of angry thoughts and think that its a serious matter that they need to figure something out, thats where the trouble begins. Thats when action follows. For me, when Angry, Sad, Anxious, or even Happy my attempt is to take the thoughts as thoughts, not as reality. For they are thoughts, but simple emotions, they are here now. But the Undeniable Unversial Fact is that this emotion, these thoughts will surely go away sometime... guranteed. They are infact like clouds. We can curse the clouds all we want because they block the sun, but that doesnt change the fact that the clouds exist. At some point though the sun will be shining bright in our lives again. Just as we can wish that clouds will never block the sun, yet the day will com when the clouds show up and once again and then the cursing begins. This may seem a silly comaprison but I think not. Anger is but thoughts, it is not a bad thing unless we tell ourselves that it is and act on it or try our hardest to get rid of it. It will go away all on its own, no need toying with it. Happiness is the same. Yes, it is much more pleasant than Anger or Saddness but it too will be overcome some day by the clouds of Anger or other emotions. The point is to accept thoughts as they come, stop trying to force them out or keep them in. Any attempt at such is in vain.
AHHH! That was fun! I'm done for now.
Remember; This is all just my thoughts written down. Please don't take me too seriously. Believe me, I sure as hell don't!
Busy livin I would guess is the truth of my absence. It's weird that among all the chaos thats taking place right now, I am finding time to write a bit. I stumbled upon my own blog I must admit, through a vanity search on google. Turns out that just by typing in Bryan Weeks my photo is first through some people finder site and another comes up on the first page. Anyway, this is all unimportant, but then again so is this blog. But, it's still fun to play with.
I'm movin to Seattle Tuesday. Thats right tuesday.
I must admit my writing has gone down the shitter, it was never great, but readable. I haven't written anything since the last post so this is really just me blobbing words onto the computer.
Come to think about it this is all over the place, its quite possible that this is a good indication of how hectic everything in my head is right now. Thoughts don't occur in a linear fassion anyway and this is precicely my thoughts layed out in english. I heard that our deep thoughts, not the average surface thoughts, but the thoughts that creat those aren't in any language. It is more like a mental image that brings a memory which then forms the thought. Afther some time I began to realize that its true. I don't really feel like explaining it though.
I was recently asked if I think too much or not enough and it dawned on me that the too much/ too little debate is useless. I think that the real question should be 'Do I think that I take my thoughts too seriously or not?' Because we all think, thats inescapable. I think the difference is that some people take their thoughts way too seriously though. Take anger for example. If I am angry, the anger is just an emotion. A set of thoughts that leaves me feeling a specific feeling. Being angry is not necissarily the problem. Everyone on the planet has experienced anger, and surely will experience it again. Anger is an emotion jus as Happiness is an emotion. Something that is in my head, purely thought. Now, when people take this set of angry thoughts and think that its a serious matter that they need to figure something out, thats where the trouble begins. Thats when action follows. For me, when Angry, Sad, Anxious, or even Happy my attempt is to take the thoughts as thoughts, not as reality. For they are thoughts, but simple emotions, they are here now. But the Undeniable Unversial Fact is that this emotion, these thoughts will surely go away sometime... guranteed. They are infact like clouds. We can curse the clouds all we want because they block the sun, but that doesnt change the fact that the clouds exist. At some point though the sun will be shining bright in our lives again. Just as we can wish that clouds will never block the sun, yet the day will com when the clouds show up and once again and then the cursing begins. This may seem a silly comaprison but I think not. Anger is but thoughts, it is not a bad thing unless we tell ourselves that it is and act on it or try our hardest to get rid of it. It will go away all on its own, no need toying with it. Happiness is the same. Yes, it is much more pleasant than Anger or Saddness but it too will be overcome some day by the clouds of Anger or other emotions. The point is to accept thoughts as they come, stop trying to force them out or keep them in. Any attempt at such is in vain.
AHHH! That was fun! I'm done for now.
Remember; This is all just my thoughts written down. Please don't take me too seriously. Believe me, I sure as hell don't!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Evolving or Devolving?
I feel like I'm devolving back to the state of an ape. Creative juicies aren't there any more, haven't been fore some time now. All we talk about anymore (the crew) is poo and sex. Not my ideal conversations. I do enjoy it and take part, but there seems to be nothing intellectual left. We run chain saws all day and grunt at eachother. Aye, Aye, Aye!
Everyone on this crew is more than capable to have civilized conversations. We have a Princeton Graduate, a History Major who will be getting her Masters soon following this, and the spectrum goes on and on. We all come from different parts of the country and have different upbringings. Why then, this...?
Let me tell a story... So we are going to be working with high schoolers next week, we are all really excited for 2 reasons. One being that we will be able to run saws the whole time without having to swamp out branches. Two, the reason more talked about, is that they will be our so called "Monkey Slaves"... Our Coordintators at the office told us we aren't allowed to call them that, of course, so we will be giving them all nick names when they arive. All of these nick names will be famous monkey names... a little inside joke you see. My "Monkey Slave's" nick ame will be Curious George. I do think thats funny. They aren't the only ones with nick names, all the members of our crew have them as well, our leaders is Captain Nemo and mine is Dr. Destruction PhD. Ironic because I'm the least destructive... any way. We are the monkeys, not the high schoolers. We have all devolved from bright witty people into farting burping grunting beasts...
I that good or bad? I dont know... The cause has got to be that we live in tents... Mother Nature has some wonderful powers.
What do you think?
Everyone on this crew is more than capable to have civilized conversations. We have a Princeton Graduate, a History Major who will be getting her Masters soon following this, and the spectrum goes on and on. We all come from different parts of the country and have different upbringings. Why then, this...?
Let me tell a story... So we are going to be working with high schoolers next week, we are all really excited for 2 reasons. One being that we will be able to run saws the whole time without having to swamp out branches. Two, the reason more talked about, is that they will be our so called "Monkey Slaves"... Our Coordintators at the office told us we aren't allowed to call them that, of course, so we will be giving them all nick names when they arive. All of these nick names will be famous monkey names... a little inside joke you see. My "Monkey Slave's" nick ame will be Curious George. I do think thats funny. They aren't the only ones with nick names, all the members of our crew have them as well, our leaders is Captain Nemo and mine is Dr. Destruction PhD. Ironic because I'm the least destructive... any way. We are the monkeys, not the high schoolers. We have all devolved from bright witty people into farting burping grunting beasts...
I that good or bad? I dont know... The cause has got to be that we live in tents... Mother Nature has some wonderful powers.
What do you think?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bullets that were Healing!
-Spent time in the Bay Area, saw the city and made a visit to the Green Gulch Zen Center
-Worked my ass off
-Camped my way through Idaho with a crew member
-Saw my best friend on her Birthday
-Saw The Doobie Brothers, The Allman Brothers Band and The Dead at the Gorge in Washington
-Worked my ass off some more
-Car broke down
-Went to Mesquite to see my dad
-Ended up driving all night and seeing Zion National park.
-Told the girl how I feel... She wants to take some time alone... I respect that
-Did some more ass kickin work
-My tent broke (at this point I had broken transportation and a broken home)
-Hiked up about to peak at dusk
-Woke up to sun rising behind Mt. Wheeler... aprox. alt. 13,000 ft
-Now I have some time to relax.... after the next bout of hard work I'll be headin to Utah to meet with a friend from P2P....
I FEEL GREAT!!!
P.S. Lots of cool photos on my myspace
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