Well, its been a while since the last time I posted an entry upon the Crazy and Awake blog. I hope all zero of my readers did not get worried, for Bryan the Adventure is alive as ever.
Busy livin I would guess is the truth of my absence. It's weird that among all the chaos thats taking place right now, I am finding time to write a bit. I stumbled upon my own blog I must admit, through a vanity search on google. Turns out that just by typing in Bryan Weeks my photo is first through some people finder site and another comes up on the first page. Anyway, this is all unimportant, but then again so is this blog. But, it's still fun to play with.
I'm movin to Seattle Tuesday. Thats right tuesday.
I must admit my writing has gone down the shitter, it was never great, but readable. I haven't written anything since the last post so this is really just me blobbing words onto the computer.
Come to think about it this is all over the place, its quite possible that this is a good indication of how hectic everything in my head is right now. Thoughts don't occur in a linear fassion anyway and this is precicely my thoughts layed out in english. I heard that our deep thoughts, not the average surface thoughts, but the thoughts that creat those aren't in any language. It is more like a mental image that brings a memory which then forms the thought. Afther some time I began to realize that its true. I don't really feel like explaining it though.
I was recently asked if I think too much or not enough and it dawned on me that the too much/ too little debate is useless. I think that the real question should be 'Do I think that I take my thoughts too seriously or not?' Because we all think, thats inescapable. I think the difference is that some people take their thoughts way too seriously though. Take anger for example. If I am angry, the anger is just an emotion. A set of thoughts that leaves me feeling a specific feeling. Being angry is not necissarily the problem. Everyone on the planet has experienced anger, and surely will experience it again. Anger is an emotion jus as Happiness is an emotion. Something that is in my head, purely thought. Now, when people take this set of angry thoughts and think that its a serious matter that they need to figure something out, thats where the trouble begins. Thats when action follows. For me, when Angry, Sad, Anxious, or even Happy my attempt is to take the thoughts as thoughts, not as reality. For they are thoughts, but simple emotions, they are here now. But the Undeniable Unversial Fact is that this emotion, these thoughts will surely go away sometime... guranteed. They are infact like clouds. We can curse the clouds all we want because they block the sun, but that doesnt change the fact that the clouds exist. At some point though the sun will be shining bright in our lives again. Just as we can wish that clouds will never block the sun, yet the day will com when the clouds show up and once again and then the cursing begins. This may seem a silly comaprison but I think not. Anger is but thoughts, it is not a bad thing unless we tell ourselves that it is and act on it or try our hardest to get rid of it. It will go away all on its own, no need toying with it. Happiness is the same. Yes, it is much more pleasant than Anger or Saddness but it too will be overcome some day by the clouds of Anger or other emotions. The point is to accept thoughts as they come, stop trying to force them out or keep them in. Any attempt at such is in vain.
AHHH! That was fun! I'm done for now.
Remember; This is all just my thoughts written down. Please don't take me too seriously. Believe me, I sure as hell don't!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Evolving or Devolving?
I feel like I'm devolving back to the state of an ape. Creative juicies aren't there any more, haven't been fore some time now. All we talk about anymore (the crew) is poo and sex. Not my ideal conversations. I do enjoy it and take part, but there seems to be nothing intellectual left. We run chain saws all day and grunt at eachother. Aye, Aye, Aye!
Everyone on this crew is more than capable to have civilized conversations. We have a Princeton Graduate, a History Major who will be getting her Masters soon following this, and the spectrum goes on and on. We all come from different parts of the country and have different upbringings. Why then, this...?
Let me tell a story... So we are going to be working with high schoolers next week, we are all really excited for 2 reasons. One being that we will be able to run saws the whole time without having to swamp out branches. Two, the reason more talked about, is that they will be our so called "Monkey Slaves"... Our Coordintators at the office told us we aren't allowed to call them that, of course, so we will be giving them all nick names when they arive. All of these nick names will be famous monkey names... a little inside joke you see. My "Monkey Slave's" nick ame will be Curious George. I do think thats funny. They aren't the only ones with nick names, all the members of our crew have them as well, our leaders is Captain Nemo and mine is Dr. Destruction PhD. Ironic because I'm the least destructive... any way. We are the monkeys, not the high schoolers. We have all devolved from bright witty people into farting burping grunting beasts...
I that good or bad? I dont know... The cause has got to be that we live in tents... Mother Nature has some wonderful powers.
What do you think?
Everyone on this crew is more than capable to have civilized conversations. We have a Princeton Graduate, a History Major who will be getting her Masters soon following this, and the spectrum goes on and on. We all come from different parts of the country and have different upbringings. Why then, this...?
Let me tell a story... So we are going to be working with high schoolers next week, we are all really excited for 2 reasons. One being that we will be able to run saws the whole time without having to swamp out branches. Two, the reason more talked about, is that they will be our so called "Monkey Slaves"... Our Coordintators at the office told us we aren't allowed to call them that, of course, so we will be giving them all nick names when they arive. All of these nick names will be famous monkey names... a little inside joke you see. My "Monkey Slave's" nick ame will be Curious George. I do think thats funny. They aren't the only ones with nick names, all the members of our crew have them as well, our leaders is Captain Nemo and mine is Dr. Destruction PhD. Ironic because I'm the least destructive... any way. We are the monkeys, not the high schoolers. We have all devolved from bright witty people into farting burping grunting beasts...
I that good or bad? I dont know... The cause has got to be that we live in tents... Mother Nature has some wonderful powers.
What do you think?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Bullets that were Healing!
-Spent time in the Bay Area, saw the city and made a visit to the Green Gulch Zen Center
-Worked my ass off
-Camped my way through Idaho with a crew member
-Saw my best friend on her Birthday
-Saw The Doobie Brothers, The Allman Brothers Band and The Dead at the Gorge in Washington
-Worked my ass off some more
-Car broke down
-Went to Mesquite to see my dad
-Ended up driving all night and seeing Zion National park.
-Told the girl how I feel... She wants to take some time alone... I respect that
-Did some more ass kickin work
-My tent broke (at this point I had broken transportation and a broken home)
-Hiked up about to peak at dusk
-Woke up to sun rising behind Mt. Wheeler... aprox. alt. 13,000 ft
-Now I have some time to relax.... after the next bout of hard work I'll be headin to Utah to meet with a friend from P2P....
I FEEL GREAT!!!
P.S. Lots of cool photos on my myspace
Saturday, April 4, 2009
All is Well
The crew is awesome! went above Tahoe on Thursday and did the chainsaw training... fell my first tree!
Got to Ely last night... blizzard and freezing.... all is great.
dont have much time to type... 15 minute sessions on the computer.
Havin a great time, goin on tour monday somewhere south of here... possibly a bit warmer. Everyone is really cool and were all havin fun here at the KOA.
Got to Ely last night... blizzard and freezing.... all is great.
dont have much time to type... 15 minute sessions on the computer.
Havin a great time, goin on tour monday somewhere south of here... possibly a bit warmer. Everyone is really cool and were all havin fun here at the KOA.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
And So This Chapter Ends
After saying good bye to a great number of my good friends this evening, I headed over to Gabes where he, Katrina, and Greg were hanging out, to say my good byes to them. I got into my car and there was a light sprinkle of rain coming down, more like a mist, as it had been all day, and I realized that that was the last time I would see these people for a long while.
Driving down State St, in the matter of seconds, the wind picked up and the rain started falling hard. I turned onto 36th, just about to Gabe's, and there were branches laying in the middle of the road, big enough to make a thump as I ran them over. All of a sudden lightning flashed in the foot hills and I watch the street lights go out and the transformer shoot off sparks. The traffic light started flashing red. This was amazing! I turned onto Taft and parked my car. When I got out the wind was furiously blowing, rain pouring down. I have always loved storms. Walking down the alley to the garage I let out a big scream into the night. I was absolutely loving every moment. No fear! It occured to me that lightning could strike me at that moment and all would be ok, but I knew that thats not what awaited me.
I walked into the garage and the power was back on... for a minute. Then it was out for good. We heard fire trucks in the near distance, and decided to go for a walk in the storm. What a beautiful night. We walked a few blocks and it had settled a bit, the power was still out, but the rain had slowed, so we walked back to the house.
I gave everyone a hug in the living room and told them I love them and I left. Just like that.
"Then End" began to play when I started my car.
It is funny to me how the last 2 chapters of my life have ended in such a similar manner... Without power and screaming to the sky. The differences is; at the end of the last chapter I wanted to die yet so scared of death that I accepted spiritual help, this time I was perfectly comfortable with death yet saw my higher power at work in my life.
Driving down State St, in the matter of seconds, the wind picked up and the rain started falling hard. I turned onto 36th, just about to Gabe's, and there were branches laying in the middle of the road, big enough to make a thump as I ran them over. All of a sudden lightning flashed in the foot hills and I watch the street lights go out and the transformer shoot off sparks. The traffic light started flashing red. This was amazing! I turned onto Taft and parked my car. When I got out the wind was furiously blowing, rain pouring down. I have always loved storms. Walking down the alley to the garage I let out a big scream into the night. I was absolutely loving every moment. No fear! It occured to me that lightning could strike me at that moment and all would be ok, but I knew that thats not what awaited me.
I walked into the garage and the power was back on... for a minute. Then it was out for good. We heard fire trucks in the near distance, and decided to go for a walk in the storm. What a beautiful night. We walked a few blocks and it had settled a bit, the power was still out, but the rain had slowed, so we walked back to the house.
I gave everyone a hug in the living room and told them I love them and I left. Just like that.
"Then End" began to play when I started my car.
It is funny to me how the last 2 chapters of my life have ended in such a similar manner... Without power and screaming to the sky. The differences is; at the end of the last chapter I wanted to die yet so scared of death that I accepted spiritual help, this time I was perfectly comfortable with death yet saw my higher power at work in my life.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
The Great Illusion
A man was running down a road through a forest. Running because he was in fear, fear of the things behind him, fear of what followed and haunted him. He kept running, he couldn't stop, he didn't know what would happen if he did. All of a sudden in the near distance he saw a dark wood. The trees did not look welcoming. As he approached he started to notice shadows drifting through the woods. He realized he didn't know what he would do when he got there, surely there is no way he is going in.
When he got closer he saw a group of people standing at the head of the trail that entered the forest. He stooped to talk to them. He told them he didn't know what to do, if he stayed there the things behind him will catch up, but if he went in to this forest he had no idea what would happen.
The elder of the group looked at him and said; "We are going through, we have been through woods like this before and we know we will be safe. You can join us if you please, but we are not going to make you. It's your choice. I will say though, if you do join us, those things behind you will disappear."
As the man thought about what had been said to him he decided to go through the forest. All he had at that point was faith that the man believed that it was all going to be ok in the end. He wanted the things he was running from to leave, so decided he would run the risk. It was worth it.
They embarked on their journey. The entire journey through the dark wood the man was full of fear, but he decided not to turn around, he saw the comfort in the eyes of the other travelers, the confidence they had as they walked, and with that had faith that it was going to be alright.
Finally, to the man's relief, they emerged from the dark forest... And what he then saw, can not be sufficiently defined in words. But, I'll try. He looked over a broad valley, the beautiful warming sun left streaks of pink and purple streaking through the sky. He felt a warm peaceful feeling come about him, the fear of the things behind him seemed to slip away. He could look the world in the Eyes.
The old man looked at him and said, "I'm glad to see that you are happy with the result of the journey through that mess of a wood... This group and I, we are going to continue to trudge this road."
"But it's so beautiful here, why not just stay."
"We have learned to enjoy the journey of it, and know that if we stay there is a chance that the darkness of the forest may one day be back on us. So we continue on.... You are more than welcome to stay here and enjoy the beauty, but you can also continue with us on our journey. I will say, from my experience, it only gets better."
The man thought about it, and decided to continue with the group, having traveled so far with them, he felt as if he had become a part of this strange fellowship.
They continued.....
Eventually they came upon another dark wood. The man was confused and a bit frightened, but not near as much before.
You see, this is all part of the journey... There are always going to be random dark spots, but after a while they don't seem near as dark, and fearsome.
So this time the man was willing to trek through this next forest with the group. At the entrance of the forest the group stopped and had a meal and some refreshments. The man looked back to this beautiful land he had just trekked through and out of the corner of his eye he saw some quick moment. He focused in on it and noticed it was a man running... the man felt something inside.... he realized that this man who was running was trying to escape the past, to out run his fears, just as he had done.
The running man came up to the group, as the man before him, not sure what to do. The man who had already been through a dark forest went up to him and told him the same thing the older man had said to him. He could see the fear in his eyes, but in the end the fearful man agreed to join the group in faith that he would be ok.
And so it goes, once our man left his fear behind... he was able to help others to leave behind theirs too. Another thing he found was that he loved the journey... The old man was right... but he realized something the old man had failed to tell him... for every dark forest he passed through, everything was more beautiful on the other side than before. After passing through many dark forests, he came to a point where there were no longer dark forests, he realized that they were just an illusion, as was the fear that chased him for so long. Life became beautiful at all times, and it only grew more beautiful with every step he took.
The man who was once paralyzed by fear, who today walks a free man in the beauty of all things... Well that man is me.
When he got closer he saw a group of people standing at the head of the trail that entered the forest. He stooped to talk to them. He told them he didn't know what to do, if he stayed there the things behind him will catch up, but if he went in to this forest he had no idea what would happen.
The elder of the group looked at him and said; "We are going through, we have been through woods like this before and we know we will be safe. You can join us if you please, but we are not going to make you. It's your choice. I will say though, if you do join us, those things behind you will disappear."
As the man thought about what had been said to him he decided to go through the forest. All he had at that point was faith that the man believed that it was all going to be ok in the end. He wanted the things he was running from to leave, so decided he would run the risk. It was worth it.
They embarked on their journey. The entire journey through the dark wood the man was full of fear, but he decided not to turn around, he saw the comfort in the eyes of the other travelers, the confidence they had as they walked, and with that had faith that it was going to be alright.
Finally, to the man's relief, they emerged from the dark forest... And what he then saw, can not be sufficiently defined in words. But, I'll try. He looked over a broad valley, the beautiful warming sun left streaks of pink and purple streaking through the sky. He felt a warm peaceful feeling come about him, the fear of the things behind him seemed to slip away. He could look the world in the Eyes.
The old man looked at him and said, "I'm glad to see that you are happy with the result of the journey through that mess of a wood... This group and I, we are going to continue to trudge this road."
"But it's so beautiful here, why not just stay."
"We have learned to enjoy the journey of it, and know that if we stay there is a chance that the darkness of the forest may one day be back on us. So we continue on.... You are more than welcome to stay here and enjoy the beauty, but you can also continue with us on our journey. I will say, from my experience, it only gets better."
The man thought about it, and decided to continue with the group, having traveled so far with them, he felt as if he had become a part of this strange fellowship.
They continued.....
Eventually they came upon another dark wood. The man was confused and a bit frightened, but not near as much before.
You see, this is all part of the journey... There are always going to be random dark spots, but after a while they don't seem near as dark, and fearsome.
So this time the man was willing to trek through this next forest with the group. At the entrance of the forest the group stopped and had a meal and some refreshments. The man looked back to this beautiful land he had just trekked through and out of the corner of his eye he saw some quick moment. He focused in on it and noticed it was a man running... the man felt something inside.... he realized that this man who was running was trying to escape the past, to out run his fears, just as he had done.
The running man came up to the group, as the man before him, not sure what to do. The man who had already been through a dark forest went up to him and told him the same thing the older man had said to him. He could see the fear in his eyes, but in the end the fearful man agreed to join the group in faith that he would be ok.
And so it goes, once our man left his fear behind... he was able to help others to leave behind theirs too. Another thing he found was that he loved the journey... The old man was right... but he realized something the old man had failed to tell him... for every dark forest he passed through, everything was more beautiful on the other side than before. After passing through many dark forests, he came to a point where there were no longer dark forests, he realized that they were just an illusion, as was the fear that chased him for so long. Life became beautiful at all times, and it only grew more beautiful with every step he took.
The man who was once paralyzed by fear, who today walks a free man in the beauty of all things... Well that man is me.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
When Unable to Sleep... Smoke a Cigarette
I know I should go to bed, its 3:30 in the AM. It's a great idea to start getting up sooner (is that a word), I know I'm going to have to be up early for the job I start in a few weeks... probably have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn.
*quick digression- I may have called it the ass-crack, but I must tell you that it is the most awe inspiring ass-crack that I have ever seen. I really don't see enough sunrises.
anyway... I'm not the least bit tired. I drank too much coffee.
I think I'll roll a cigarette and go watch the stars dance in the sky.
Blessed Be the Peace Makers... Bless the War Makers too... Blessed Be all Things!
*quick digression- I may have called it the ass-crack, but I must tell you that it is the most awe inspiring ass-crack that I have ever seen. I really don't see enough sunrises.
anyway... I'm not the least bit tired. I drank too much coffee.
I think I'll roll a cigarette and go watch the stars dance in the sky.
Blessed Be the Peace Makers... Bless the War Makers too... Blessed Be all Things!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Digging the Endless Well of Love
After a wonderful discussion with 2 incredible men this evening, I have made a decision.
We weren't speaking of anything specifically, just random chatter till 4 in the morning. But, I came out with a new idea of what I want to grow to. An addition to my current Spiritual Ideal.
The idea of love is so attractive to me. So when a certain ideal was presented by my friend Brian, the ideal of being able by the time he dies, to transmit as much love toward all life as he possibly can, to dig into the depths of love until the day he dies, even if that means losing himself, I instantly gravitated to it.
After sitting and just being part of the conversation this evening with these 2 other men, the depth of my awakening was magnified significantly. Not particularly because of what either of them said, because the temporary inspiration of their words will eventually wear off. What happend this evening was a strengthing connection between me and my Creator. Connecting with my Creator offers perminant inspiration.
There are some ideas that I chose to subscribe to; the idea that God is Love. It makes perfect sense. Another being, that when spiritually fit, I make an excellent tool for God. So, if God is Love and I am one of his tools, then I am a tool of Love. So my new ideal in life is to sharpen myself, to make myself a more effective tool. Meaning, that I should, to be of maximum service to God and my Fellows, make my main focus to dig deeper and deeper into the Well of Love.
We weren't speaking of anything specifically, just random chatter till 4 in the morning. But, I came out with a new idea of what I want to grow to. An addition to my current Spiritual Ideal.
The idea of love is so attractive to me. So when a certain ideal was presented by my friend Brian, the ideal of being able by the time he dies, to transmit as much love toward all life as he possibly can, to dig into the depths of love until the day he dies, even if that means losing himself, I instantly gravitated to it.
After sitting and just being part of the conversation this evening with these 2 other men, the depth of my awakening was magnified significantly. Not particularly because of what either of them said, because the temporary inspiration of their words will eventually wear off. What happend this evening was a strengthing connection between me and my Creator. Connecting with my Creator offers perminant inspiration.
There are some ideas that I chose to subscribe to; the idea that God is Love. It makes perfect sense. Another being, that when spiritually fit, I make an excellent tool for God. So, if God is Love and I am one of his tools, then I am a tool of Love. So my new ideal in life is to sharpen myself, to make myself a more effective tool. Meaning, that I should, to be of maximum service to God and my Fellows, make my main focus to dig deeper and deeper into the Well of Love.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Maya and the Tzolkin
I've been getting back into the Mayan Tzolkin calendar. I'd like to share a poem presented in "Mayan Oracle; Return Path to the Stars" by Ariel Spilsbury and Michael Bryner. The Mayan Tzolkin is a calendar that is 260 days long and is based on 20 solar glyphs and 13 tones (cycles of the Moon). My birthdate (September, 23 1990) translated from Gregorian to the Tzolkin is Men tone 4. To the Mayans that date represents my "soul essence." This is all based on the energies at play when my soul entered into my body. When one closely follows the calendar (tzolkin) and harmonizes with the energies at play each day, a strong connection with the universe and everyone around them is created. It is amazing to me what aligning my energy with the energy of the Universe does for me each day.
Think I'm a bit crazy? ... that's fine, I'm not writing this post or blog to convince anyone of anything, or to try to get the world to follow any certain path... Nobody has to agree with me, as a matter of fact no one even has to read this. There is alot of Freedom, True Freedom, at play with this mind set. There are no bounds, no walls, no signs saying yes or no, do this but not that. Yet at the same time there is so much room for personal enslavement, so much room for me to make this blog my life, to do nothing but write. In other words, the quest for True Freedom can often lead to greater enslavement... but it doesn't have to. Thats the "Game."
Now for the poem...
I am Men,
the eagle's vision and dream.
Gather about me, winged ones, to take your place
upon the currents of our divine purpose.
Soar with the flow of consciousness in my massive wings.
Let us glide in the graceful expansiveness of planetary mind,
carving out the pathway of timeless beauty for all to follow.
Spread your precious wings,
sweet , blessed eagles of the new Sun of Flowers!
Flow with me upon the shimmering crest
of the new reality emerging,
and together we shall create
the joyfully awaited garden of the one world.
Feel my song stirring in every cell,
its refrain quickening you into resonance
with the golden octave now sounding
through the consciousness of the Earth,
Gaia, singing like a crystal
in the brilliant light of luminous love.
Through you, Gaia, I also am transformed.
I, too, am awakening
as the return of divine love and light.
We are one!
I am Men.
My gentle sound and touch ripple like waves of healing silk
upon the wounded body of the Earth.
I am the crystal singer
at the heart of the labyrinth,
whose crystalline core magically transforms this vibration
into the splendor of planetary mind.
Hear my impassioned call,
O radiant children of the Sun!
Lift with me the collective mind,
for we are the awakeners, the transformers!
Let the flowing beauty and power of my wings
inspire you to ascend to our committed purpose!
Find the gate of "I cease,"
the place where there is no "other."
Remember, alliance of the faithful of the stars,
sun runners, your commitment
to hold the light high in this time.
Find the living consciousness of God within you.
Like a florid fountain, this place flows
with the elixirs of compassion
to create our ascended Earth!
Believe in yourself and your visions!
Sing the sparkling song of hope,
in a voice rich with the transforming power
of your crystalline rainbow body!
Merge with the sublime vibration
that lays the song of ecstasy ever so gently
upon the yearning spirit of Earth, Terra Gaia.
This, my beloveds, is yours to do!
Build thy inner and outer temples, and adorn them
with the precious gifts you have carried
within you for so long.
On the winds created by the movement of my mighty wings,
hear me,
feel me;
Let us begin!
Think I'm a bit crazy? ... that's fine, I'm not writing this post or blog to convince anyone of anything, or to try to get the world to follow any certain path... Nobody has to agree with me, as a matter of fact no one even has to read this. There is alot of Freedom, True Freedom, at play with this mind set. There are no bounds, no walls, no signs saying yes or no, do this but not that. Yet at the same time there is so much room for personal enslavement, so much room for me to make this blog my life, to do nothing but write. In other words, the quest for True Freedom can often lead to greater enslavement... but it doesn't have to. Thats the "Game."
Now for the poem...
I am Men,
the eagle's vision and dream.
Gather about me, winged ones, to take your place
upon the currents of our divine purpose.
Soar with the flow of consciousness in my massive wings.
Let us glide in the graceful expansiveness of planetary mind,
carving out the pathway of timeless beauty for all to follow.
Spread your precious wings,
sweet , blessed eagles of the new Sun of Flowers!
Flow with me upon the shimmering crest
of the new reality emerging,
and together we shall create
the joyfully awaited garden of the one world.
Feel my song stirring in every cell,
its refrain quickening you into resonance
with the golden octave now sounding
through the consciousness of the Earth,
Gaia, singing like a crystal
in the brilliant light of luminous love.
Through you, Gaia, I also am transformed.
I, too, am awakening
as the return of divine love and light.
We are one!
I am Men.
My gentle sound and touch ripple like waves of healing silk
upon the wounded body of the Earth.
I am the crystal singer
at the heart of the labyrinth,
whose crystalline core magically transforms this vibration
into the splendor of planetary mind.
Hear my impassioned call,
O radiant children of the Sun!
Lift with me the collective mind,
for we are the awakeners, the transformers!
Let the flowing beauty and power of my wings
inspire you to ascend to our committed purpose!
Find the gate of "I cease,"
the place where there is no "other."
Remember, alliance of the faithful of the stars,
sun runners, your commitment
to hold the light high in this time.
Find the living consciousness of God within you.
Like a florid fountain, this place flows
with the elixirs of compassion
to create our ascended Earth!
Believe in yourself and your visions!
Sing the sparkling song of hope,
in a voice rich with the transforming power
of your crystalline rainbow body!
Merge with the sublime vibration
that lays the song of ecstasy ever so gently
upon the yearning spirit of Earth, Terra Gaia.
This, my beloveds, is yours to do!
Build thy inner and outer temples, and adorn them
with the precious gifts you have carried
within you for so long.
On the winds created by the movement of my mighty wings,
hear me,
feel me;
Let us begin!
Chautauqua 1
I always thought I could think my way out of the messes I made, this is well before I knew about the game. I didn’t know I was playing, I thought I was brilliant. My grandpa tells me I was just a 16 year old ass hole. That’s closer to the truth than any thing else.
I didn’t have real smarts, I studied Zen Buddhism from a book but never practiced it, I read great stories of American Indian spirituality and dreamt about what it would be like to be part of that culture, I indulged in books on Wicca, spouting the greatness of the Goddess and all her creatures to my closest friends, I knew what I was talking about, this is true, but I couldn’t show you. All I could show you was the book I read so you could be like me, full of knowledge with no experience. What is that worth?
*This was my scene at 16… reminiscent of the 60s counter culture; Tie-Die, long haired, weed smoking intellectuals. What a sight. I can remember getting high and going on and on about getting high to open my mind, right. When in all reality, I just liked getting high.
The things that really open a mind, I mean really open a mind, like meditation and standing on top of a mountain and seeing for miles, they were just words in a book. I tried meditating once and quit after a couple tries because the effect took too long to get. I love camping but hiking to the top of the mountain required a little too much effort. But I tell you this, I could tell you exactly what those things were supposed to be like, I read about them in a book. I was so good at the game that my friends bought the whole charade.
I could have had a fucking degree in Mayan Numerology by 16 years old. That’s all a degree really is, book smarts manifest on a piece of paper. “oh boy, look at me… I’ve just received this degree that says I know stuff about stuff… Isn’t that neat?” Dont get me wrong, education is a very important thing, but pure knowledge so far has availed me nothing. I thought this life I was living was reality, I really thought I was a spiritual person. Little did I know that I was playing the game. Little did I know that life was just about to “life me” and I was going to have to wake up.
I didn’t have real smarts, I studied Zen Buddhism from a book but never practiced it, I read great stories of American Indian spirituality and dreamt about what it would be like to be part of that culture, I indulged in books on Wicca, spouting the greatness of the Goddess and all her creatures to my closest friends, I knew what I was talking about, this is true, but I couldn’t show you. All I could show you was the book I read so you could be like me, full of knowledge with no experience. What is that worth?
*This was my scene at 16… reminiscent of the 60s counter culture; Tie-Die, long haired, weed smoking intellectuals. What a sight. I can remember getting high and going on and on about getting high to open my mind, right. When in all reality, I just liked getting high.
The things that really open a mind, I mean really open a mind, like meditation and standing on top of a mountain and seeing for miles, they were just words in a book. I tried meditating once and quit after a couple tries because the effect took too long to get. I love camping but hiking to the top of the mountain required a little too much effort. But I tell you this, I could tell you exactly what those things were supposed to be like, I read about them in a book. I was so good at the game that my friends bought the whole charade.
I could have had a fucking degree in Mayan Numerology by 16 years old. That’s all a degree really is, book smarts manifest on a piece of paper. “oh boy, look at me… I’ve just received this degree that says I know stuff about stuff… Isn’t that neat?” Dont get me wrong, education is a very important thing, but pure knowledge so far has availed me nothing. I thought this life I was living was reality, I really thought I was a spiritual person. Little did I know that I was playing the game. Little did I know that life was just about to “life me” and I was going to have to wake up.
A Poem
Rhetorical existence
covets Swiss hedonism & humility.
A dogma yuppie w/
superficial faith finds
overhead anagram of
dharma heathens.
My laurels breed insanity!
Subtle Chautauqua
Intro
In my mind... the opportunites that lie ahead, and the experiences behind reveal the essence of existence. Couple that with the "now" and what we have is a story. My story. Though it is not complete, I already have much to tell. There are experiences that I have had that may be beneficial to those whom find time to read them.
It is my plan, as of now, to creat a blog that will tell the story as it happens, along with the story that has already happened. I want to mix up these events. To tell of my life up to now, mixing in what is happening now.
I want to share my experiences so that, possibly, just possibly, someone will read them and find something in them that makes sense, or possibly, they will read them just to be entertained. Either way...
It is my plan, as of now, to creat a blog that will tell the story as it happens, along with the story that has already happened. I want to mix up these events. To tell of my life up to now, mixing in what is happening now.
I want to share my experiences so that, possibly, just possibly, someone will read them and find something in them that makes sense, or possibly, they will read them just to be entertained. Either way...
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