The Touchstone

"Out on the Edge of Darkness, There Rides the Peace Train..." - Yusuf Islam

I feel as if I'm on the edge, moving from one realm to the next, from the 4th dimension to the 5th; metaphorically speaking of course.

The last few weeks have been difficult and I've been through the cycles of emotions. Having recently moved here- to Seattle- I am going through much growth. Many facets of my life are changing. First, while I'm here in Seattle all the people who I call my closest friends are back in Boise living their lives. I am in a relationship and in Love - With my best friend in the world; who also lives in Boise. This is much different from the norm. For myself I am usually single and "self reliant" - hardly have I been in a serious relationship. So, to be in this situation is all new to me, more wonderful than I could have imagined.
With the life I associated with while living in Boise, I am now in the position of merging with the new life in this rainy city. This overall has been quite difficult. I have met a host of great people but I have yet to feel truly settled. Previous to moving I became so used to, which I largely I took for granted, stimulating spiritual and intellectual conversation. That type of conversation so far has been absent here, though coming close, it's still lacking. I am certainly not attempting here to say that this is necessarily a bad thing, but that it's different, that I am still settling into the new situations and relationships which I have found myself.

With all of the changes in my life I have been granted much time to myself. Much of this time is spent in contemplation. I recently have found myself doing a lot of questioning;
Who am I? What am I? Why am I? What is is that I really have to offer? Am I useful? Am I loving? What does it mean to be useful and loving? What do I really know? and what do I think I know? Etc.
I have not been asking myself these questions in a depressive or cynical manner but as a means of review, maybe to find deeper meaning in life, I'm not entirely sure. In fact my questioning seems to come from being unsure. I don't feel at this moment in time that when it comes to me, Who and What I am, that I can actually be one hundred percent sure about anything. I feel that these questions have arisen as a means to stir the pool.

I'm on the edge... the edge of darkness, and that edge is also the edge of lightness. From the dark emerges light, from the light emerges the dark. Is there really an edge after all? They no longer seem to me to be separate, but one and the same.