Chautauqua 1

I always thought I could think my way out of the messes I made, this is well before I knew about the game. I didn’t know I was playing, I thought I was brilliant. My grandpa tells me I was just a 16 year old ass hole. That’s closer to the truth than any thing else.
I didn’t have real smarts, I studied Zen Buddhism from a book but never practiced it, I read great stories of American Indian spirituality and dreamt about what it would be like to be part of that culture, I indulged in books on Wicca, spouting the greatness of the Goddess and all her creatures to my closest friends, I knew what I was talking about, this is true, but I couldn’t show you. All I could show you was the book I read so you could be like me, full of knowledge with no experience. What is that worth?
*This was my scene at 16… reminiscent of the 60s counter culture; Tie-Die, long haired, weed smoking intellectuals. What a sight. I can remember getting high and going on and on about getting high to open my mind, right. When in all reality, I just liked getting high.
The things that really open a mind, I mean really open a mind, like meditation and standing on top of a mountain and seeing for miles, they were just words in a book. I tried meditating once and quit after a couple tries because the effect took too long to get. I love camping but hiking to the top of the mountain required a little too much effort. But I tell you this, I could tell you exactly what those things were supposed to be like, I read about them in a book. I was so good at the game that my friends bought the whole charade.
I could have had a fucking degree in Mayan Numerology by 16 years old. That’s all a degree really is, book smarts manifest on a piece of paper. “oh boy, look at me… I’ve just received this degree that says I know stuff about stuff… Isn’t that neat?” Dont get me wrong, education is a very important thing, but pure knowledge so far has availed me nothing. I thought this life I was living was reality, I really thought I was a spiritual person. Little did I know that I was playing the game. Little did I know that life was just about to “life me” and I was going to have to wake up.